A Friendly Reminder
"Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God." --Romans 15:7
A friend who is a retired pastor posted on Facebook this week about churches that think they are friendly because they are friendly to each other. Needless to say, people came out of the woodwork to comment. He suggested that a church that is friendly only to one another but not welcoming to an outsider, is a clique and not a fellowship. "The authority on your church's friendliness is the first-time guest. A couple of days after they visit, ask them about it. If they hem and haw, there is your answer."
I remember one time many years ago when my family and I visited a church in our area to hear a friend speak in a Sunday night service. I was a pastor myself then, and at that time we had a few small children. When we walked in the door we didn't know where the nursery was, and were looking for signs, or someone to point us in the right direction. No one welcomed us, even though it was obvious we were outsiders needing help, and anytime we would make eye contact with those who were standing around talking to one another, they would look the other way to keep from having to speak to us.
We finally found our way to the nursery, and then went back to sanctuary. Early in the service, they had a greeting time, and they asked us to sit down while everyone else stood up. I think that was supposed to make us feel welcome. The kicker for us was that they also said they had a "gift" for us. Actually it was an ink pen, with the church name on it, with this inscription below: "The end of your search for a friendly church!"
Not so much.
Is Shelby Crossings a friendly church? I occasionally speak to people who visit our church and talk about how friendly they have found our fellowship to be. That is always encouraging. But I also talk to those who say that the only person who spoke to them was the pastor. No doubt people sometimes fall through the cracks on a Sunday morning, but it shouldn't happen more than once. We should all be making our best effort to make sure that people who visit feel welcome.
As I have mentioned before, I think in so many ways we are still getting over the effects of the Covid pandemic. It has broken us, and perhaps the worst thing to come from the whole ordeal may be our "a-social distancing," where we as a society seemingly forgot how to relate to one another. For some, it was the constant reminders to keep our distance from others, and the confusion of cues of whether people wanted you in their personal space. For others, it was essentially permission to not have to talk to other people. And I think the distance we practiced putting between ourselves and others socially still has an effect on church life today.
Thom Rainer wrote a blog several years ago entitled "Top Ten Ways Churches Drive Away First-Time Guests." At the top of the list was "Having a stand up and greet one another time in the worship service," and second was "Unfriendly church members." In other words, people don't want a contrived, inauthentic greeting time when they come to a church, awkwardly orchestrated from the stage to create a pseudo-welcoming environment for visitors. But they do want people to be genuinely kind and friendly to them when they take the step to try out our worship service.
I think most of us believe we have a unique loving fellowship at Shelby Crossings, but I wonder if our guests would agree. How much do you, as a member or regular attender of our church, make the effort each week to welcome unfamiliar faces, meet new people, and make them feel at home? Let me say it another way: If everyone greets a guest the same way you do, will that guest feel welcome?
It's a point we make often around here, that the church is not a building, nor even a worship service, but a people, a family. We are the church. You are the church. And how friendly and welcoming the church is, is determined by how friendly you are.
So here's a "friendly reminder" to step out of your comfort zone this coming Sunday and be on the lookout for guests, or even regulars that you've never met. Introduce yourself, make a new friend, sit down next to them, invite them to your small group, or even lunch afterwards. This may require that you get there before we start singing, and that you don't run out the door when the service is over, but if you are concerned about others and not just yourself, that will be worth the effort. Whatever you do, just don't leave our gathering for worship without being as welcoming to others as Jesus Christ has been to you. (Romans 15:7)
I am praying for you, as I hope you are for me, and I look forward to seeing you Sunday.
--Pastor Ken
