A Lovely Idea
If you were with us for worship this past Sunday, you know that the focus of the message was reconciliation and forgiveness. Over the years I have noticed that every time I preach on that subject, it seems to hit home and stir things up a bit in the hearts and souls of those who are there. Sunday was no exception.
In his classic book Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis wrote: "Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive." In other words, it's good in theory, but putting it into practice, and pardoning the sin of someone who has hurt us deeply, is harder than just words. It is one of the most difficult things any of us ever do, even as Christ-followers.
Fortunately we have plenty of chances to practice till we get it right. As we talked about on Sunday, relationships are hard. People are selfish and insensitive and they do and say dumb and hurtful things. (And by the way, if you are wondering who those "people" are, look in the mirror.) Some things, not meant in an unkind way, get misconstrued and bring confusion and misunderstanding, and inevitably hurt feelings. That happens among friends, family members, and fellow Christians.
Even the apostles Paul and Peter butted heads sometimes, and didn't always see eye to eye. Paul also had a falling out with his close friend and missionary partner Barnabas--the one whose very nickname meant "encourager"--and they ended up going their separate ways on their last missionary journeys. Sounds a bit like Jacob and Esau, from Sunday's passage, even after their dramatic and emotional reconciliation.
So if those guys struggled to get along, it's no surprise that any of us would also occasionally have to go through conflict. The question is, how do we handle it, and how do we practice reconciliation? Not just as "a lovely idea," as Lewis described it, but in real life.
Billy Graham used to say that if you could get people to deal with unresolved anger and bitterness and practice genuine forgiveness, you could empty half of the mental institutions in America. I am sure he wasn't speaking literally, with statistics to back that up, but from his experience he understood that much of the inner turmoil that causes dysfunctional mental health is caused by broken relationships that are never mended or reconciled. In my years of pastoral counseling, I would certainly agree with Graham's assessment.
The reality is, our Creator wired us for community--to literally live in interdependent relationships with one another--and when there's a short in the wiring, problems arise on the inside of us. And, to continue that same metaphor, if we don't deal with that short, in time we will likely blow a fuse! And whether we realize it or not, that brokenness will affect every other relationship we have, even the healthy ones. That includes our relationship with God. Jesus said as much in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 6, and also in his powerful parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18.
But taking the steps toward reconciliation can be quite the challenge, especially if we have always been taught to just keep the peace. What we don't realize is, the peace we are keeping is not genuine when we have swept things under the rug. It is pseudo-community at best. Living in authentic community requires that we be honest and humble and straightforward in our relationships with each other, and that we "speak the truth in love" (Eph. 4:15).
Maybe that means you need to extend forgiveness to another, if only in the quietness of your own heart. Release the prisoner, as it were, to borrow from the Corrie ten Boom quote I used Sunday. Or maybe if you know you have hurt another person by your words or actions, you need to leave your gift at the altar and go and deal with it.
In one of the Calvin and Hobbes comic strips, the cartoon character Calvin says to his tiger friend, Hobbes, “I feel bad that I called Susie names and hurt her feelings. I’m sorry I did it.” “Maybe you should apologize to her,” Hobbes suggests. Calvin ponders this for a moment and replies, “I keep hoping there’s a less obvious solution.” Sometimes there is no more obvious solution than reconciliation and forgiveness.
Remember that simple truth from Sunday: "Forgiven people are forgiving people." For those of us who are recipients of God's grace, there is an implicit obligation to extend that grace to others. That's why the Bible calls us to be patient and longsuffering, to bear with one another in love--even when we are wronged. Because that's what Jesus did for us. "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you." (Eph. 4:32)
May the Lord bless you as you walk in His mercy this week. I look forward to seeing you on Sunday.
--Pastor Ken
